It was the day before his cold soccer weekend tournament and I began to wonder what sort of cold weather gear my step son would have for his games in the 30 degree weather. I had him call his mom about some missing soccer shorts and while she was on speaker phone I asked if he had some black gear to wear under his soccer uniform, she replied saying she was going to the store today to look for some. Part of me was frustrated because I was just about to head out to get him some as well because nothing had been communicated about it yet. I mentioned to her we were going to as well in case she didn’t have time or didn’t want to spend the money. She mentioned we would leave it at a … whoever gets to it first sort of thing. I ended up not leaving the house for a few more hours and at that point she had sent a message saying she was able to purchase gear for him. This situation would of got me more rattled earlier in the blended family but after many situations I have learned to look at the best in the situation, and this time I was happy to know even though I had to initiate the conversation he had the gear he needed and it was one less thing I needed to worry about. We have plenty of things on our plates so if some thing’s are getting taken care of just sit back and relax a little.
One key to a successful co-parenting relationship with less stress is communication. Whether the communication is between you and your husband, between you and the child/children’s mom or the father and mother of the child/children.
There are quite a few topics you should discuss with your partner before you get involved with the kids:
• What role is he wanting you to play in the kids’ lives? (Parental figure, Friend, Caregiver)
• Does he expect you to be involved with the discipline?
• If so how does he think the ex will feel about your involvement in this department?
• Are you going to be expected to communicate with the ex or is he the only one doing the communication?
• Are you going to be financially responsible for his children?
When it comes to your relationship with the ex (Again these are things you need to ask your spouse):
• Are you expected to communicate with the ex? If so in what areas? School? Sports? Discipline?
• How are you expected to communicate with her? (Email, Text, Talking parent, Face to face)
• What should you do if the conversation becomes hostile?
• Is she comfortable communicating with you?
When it comes to your husbands communication with his ex:
• How do you feel comfortable they communicate? (Text (individual or group), Email, Only during exchange)
• If you are feeling uncomfortable and want to know more about their communication is he going to be open with you?
• What sort of topics do you feel they should not be discussing?
Those are just a few of the important conversations to have with your spouse/future spouse. Communicate about anything that you feel you may or may not run into in the future.
If you have any specific questions to how me and my husband do some of these things feel free to email me at firstname.lastname@example.org
Jade San Nicolas
Follow me on Instagram @themeltingpotafb