I feel respected as a mother in my bonus child’s life due to decisions that my husband has made. From day one he has not only allowed me to, but encouraged me to do everything a mother would do. In our home, I am respected as a mother figure in my bonus son’s life. However, when his mom gets involved and it comes to decision making for other things, that is when things get tricky. The only way I think I have been able to have such minimal issues with being a stepmom is that my husband has always encouraged my bonus son to respect me like a parental figure from day one.
You really can’t force someone to respect you, as it needs to be earned and encouraged by others. There are multiple days a month that I will have my bonus son without his dad being around due to his work schedule. Although I know this is not his mom’s favorite thing, it has been amazing for him to keep a stable schedule and to have the ability to have a consistent routine. In order for his mom to allow this to happen, I try to have the utmost respect for her as his mother and her as the decision maker on anything big in his life. As long as she feels his father and I respect her, she does her best to allow what is in the best interest of her son.
Respect is a continuous thing with my bonus son. Sometimes there are events that can occur where I need to show him my respect, as well as he shows me his. Again as I stated in the beginning of this blog, my husband has been the main factor with how mine and his relationship was established, and been a continuous player in how our relationship continues.
If your husband or boyfriend is not encouraging your step-kids to respect you, you need to sit down and have a talk. They don’t need to act like you are their mother, but they need to respect you as an adult figure in their life.
Remember this is not a conversation to have in the middle of an argument or heated conversation. It should be planned and while you are both calm and collected. If you fear that it will become heated before you get to discuss anything, you can always attempt to send your husband or boyfriend (wife/spouse/partner) an email so they have the time to read it and think about it before they react. Do not write the email and just send it, sleep in it or wait a few days. Make sure it is written how you want and not out of emotion.
Email me with any questions or concerns.
Jade San Nicolas
Follow me on Instagram @themeltingpotafb
I have been listening to Dr. Leman’s podcast for a few months now and he has provided me with some life changing tips to help with my children. I recommend you check him out!