When I was pregnant with my second child people always used to ask us: “Do you want a boy or girl?”
Not everyone understands the blended family dynamic, and that’s ok. Here are some of the questions that followed the girl or boy question:
-Well Jayden isn’t really yours, so you want a boy right?
-Don’t you want a boy, so you can have one of each?
And even when I would respond that I have a son and a daughter, I would get that look of …. Ummmm where is your son?
To be honest, I always wanted my oldest to be a boy and the rest I didn’t mind. When marrying my husband I was lucky because I got a built-in- my stepson who became my oldest. When I had my first biological child, I didn’t mind either gender- and I felt the same exact way when I had my second. But let me tell you I am sooooooo glad that I have two daughters. Although my future may not be easy (cough cough teenaged years!) I will deal with that when it happens. For now having two daughters works very well in our household for a few reasons:
- When my husband is at work and my stepson is at his mom’s, it’s just me and the girls. I believe that will continue to benefit me as they grow older: chick flick movie nights, spa dates, and pedicures.
- When my stepson is here, and his father wants to take him out to spend some special time together the girls don’t feel like he Is getting anything majorly extra from dad that they are not. We simply title it as boy time, and girl time. There is a 5 year age gap between my step son and the girls so sometimes we use it to define some actives the boys do as for the older kids. (Yes my husband can sometimes be a kid)
- When my stepson is at his moms, he is not jealous dad is hanging out with another son,
- The girls share a room and my stepson has his own. So when he is not home, he doesn’t have any concerns about someone living in his room when he is at his moms. However the girls are allowed in his room and do play with his toys, but I feel like there is still less of a threat.
So whether you have a stepson and two daughters or another combination find what works best for you and embrace that you have more littles in your life to love and cherish. It wasn’t their decision for their parents to split so don’t let them have to bare that burden.
Jade San Nicolas
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