Some people ask why I call my stepson: “stepson”. While others ask why I don’t call him “son”. Some look down on me because I don’t call him by his name, and others suggest that I call him bonus son.
Guys, everyone can tell you or make suggestions on your life, but ultimately it’s up to you to decide what works for you best!
Some of you love your step-kids as if they are your own, and hate to use the word step because you feel like it shows they have a different level of importance than if you called them son or daughter. Others know in order for the mom to feel respected as the mother she doesn’t want you to call them son or daughter.
In my heart he is one of my own, and I love him like he is my own child! (Do not mistake this for one type of LOVE though.)
I LOVE my stepson, I LOVE my daughters, I LOVE my husband. But guys there is more than one type of LOVE. The love I have for my husband is different than the love I have for my daughters, as is the love I have for my parents is different than the love I have for my closest friends.
The title I use when referring to my stepson changes according to the situation.
Here is typically how I do things:
- This blog is about my life and my stepson’s mom does not know about it… yet… I don’t think. That being said on here due to privacy I do not use his name and out of respect for his mother (due to the relationship we have) I will call him stepson.
- Out of town when no one around knows us, he is my son.
- At school, where I have gotten in trouble before for referencing him as my son, he is referred to as my stepson.
- When talking to family and friends who know our blended family dynamic he is my son, or I use his name.
- When his mom is next to me, he is my stepson.
There are so many variables that come into play when I choose what title to use; but, all I can do is use my best judgement in the situation that I am in that will not only prevent me getting backlash but also my stepson feeling awkward.
He may feel two ways when I call him son: he may feel loved in one moment and in the next he may feel like I am acting like he doesn’t have a mother and disrespecting her. This will be an ongoing and changing thing as he ages or as we run into different situations. But you know what guys life is an adventure and it is never the same!
On a side note, since some may comment or ask: I have trouble using “bonus son” because it seems like most times I have tried to use that people look at me sideways. Then I have to spend the next five minutes explaining our family dynamic. If I had said step, in no way trying to disrespect my son or put him in another level of the family, there would of been no questions asked by whomever was in the conversation and we would have been able to move on quicker. Not everyone needs an explanation of my family dynamic.
If people ask how many kids have, WE say WE have three, because together it is true: we have three ❤
Use what works for you, what you feel is right!! Just remember how would feel if you are in the other parent’s shoes, or your child’s.
Jade San Nicolas
Keep an eye out for my Stepmom Community Blog coming soon! (It will have a collection of stories from individual Stepmoms, hopefully you find a momma with a similar story to yours and be able to connect on a closer level) ❤
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