When I first recognized Andy she had made a positive comment (coming from a stepdaughter) on a very negative facebook feed some others had been commenting on. She was then bashed on for her positivity, which really bummed me out! I reached out to her to let her know it took a big person to be vulnerable and open the way she was and I appreciated her positive comment. I then took the time to learn more about her story and I think you should read.
Comment below or message me!
Her story is broken into two sections. The story on her dads side, moms side and then short interview at the bottom. Some names have been changed around, hopefully it doesn’t cause to much confusion.
My dad, T (17), meet my mom, L(12), through her older brother, K. My mom became pregnant at 13, my dad was 18. My dad was told to marry my mom or he’d face statutory rape. They married May , 1982. My mom turned 14 on May 8th (she could’ve said “no” once she turned 14, hence the marriage before her birthday).
I was born 2 months premature in late May. Fast forward, my mom was awarded her divorce due to mental and physical cruelty when she was 17 (I was 3). The custody battle was intense…or so I was told.
My dad did a drive by shooting into our home (yes, my mom and I were in the home). My mom had my dad beat up in an alley after that. Then my dad kidnapped me and tried to sneak me off to Korea (he was in the air force). My mom got me back only for me to be kidnapped again. My dad came from a family of 15, plenty of people to help him hide me from her.
My dad claimed in court he couldn’t find my mom to give her the custody time owed to her. He had filed “looking for her” in a town 1 hour away, so she missed the notice. She was only looking in the town’s surrounding hers. The courts weren’t aware where he filed, only cared that he “tried”. That’s how he got full custody, sole legal in a mother state in the 80s.
My mom ran off to Texas and married my first step dad. Their marriage was only about a year. I never met him. She came back home and began her life as a drug dealer and whore. She sold meth, heroine, and marijuana. She told me growing up to never tell anyone what went on there or I’d never see her again. Life with her was chaotic.
My dad remarried when I was 6 to R. She came from a strong family and did her best to bring order or rather a foundation to our lives. My brother, N, came Oct 1990. My sister, S, followed Oct 1992.
R had to work full time, drop off two kids to daycare, get me off to school, cook, clean, pay bills, grocery shop, etc on her own.
T couldn’t maintain a job and was a college student. She even heard rumors throughout their 9 years together about T cheating on her. That’s where she started to “break”. She became unhappy, angry, and yelled…a lot. That’s where she and I started to clash. She leaned on me for help, support. Then the glorious teenage years arrived. She didn’t allow swearing, immodesty, and needed me home. I liked tank tops, mildly low cut shirts, swearing, and wanted to be with my friends. L fought for custody of me again.
R told me years later how sorry she was about leaning on me/fighting with me so much especially since she suspected about what I went through at L’s. My dad left her in ’97 for the other woman who soon became his wife #3 in April ’98. L dropped her custody case after he left R. J was 9 years younger than T. She had a 1 1/2 year old son, D.
T told me stories about how R didn’t want me to see N and S. He told me she never loved me. Which is why he had his visitation set during the time I was gone to L’s. I started to question his stories when I would come home to find birthday and Christmas presents from R in my room that S put there. They weren’t expensive, they were thoughtful, meaningful.
J and I got along great, until she married T. She stopped going on dates with me, buying me birthday/Christmas presents, and started to leave me out of all family activities (vacations, going out to eat, etc). She had no problem having me babysit and clean the whole house by myself, even her bedroom and bathroom (T never cleaned). J didn’t care if I swore or what I wore but she needed me home so once again…limited social life. B came Sept 2000.
T and I got in a huge fight over money I received. He wanted it and I wanted it for college. Two days after I turned 18 (May 2000), he disowned me. J(2) gave birth to my brother C who arrived July 2001. Then in Oct 2004, she gave birth to my sister H.
B, C, H, and I have been getting to know each other these last 5 years. It was difficult having siblings that were kept from me.
I sought out R and finally got to see N and S. We were happy. Until R’s 2nd husband, T(2) , decided he didn’t like it and told me to stay away.
Not even a year later, R figured out why I disappeared along with some other friends/family she had. She kicked him to the curb and we’ve been in each other’s lives ever since. Even her family still call me theirs. I’m invited to all family gatherings, weddings, etc. I still call her mom and my children call her grandma.
Every couple years, J would drop off a present wherever I lived without my dad knowing. Life didn’t end well for my dad. He and J got into illegal and prescription drugs. He died of an overdose at the age of 42. J lost the rights to my siblings multiple times before she permanently lost them. They live with her parents now. She and I somewhat keep in touch. She told me how sorry she was about how they both treated me.
Moms Side of the Story:
After L divorced T and no longer had full custody. She left for Dallas, Texas where she became a model and also posed for nudist magazines. She married her second husband (D) but divorced him within the year.
My mom moved back to our state and began selling illegal drugs (heroine, meth, marijuana). When I was a preteen, she was diagnosed with bipolar disorder.
L met one of my friend’s father and went on a couple dates. E had two daughters (K 12, A 15, B 18). I was 15. When I came home for my eow visit, my mom told me she and E ran off and got married. They were only married for 2 years. E was a pretty good stepdad. He would visit with me and offer to help me with things.
His kids were, and still are, number 1 and I did not expect anything from him. I was just happy that I was mostly included. If I did things that bothered him, he would go to my mom and she’d correct me. I called him “dad” by choice.
After their divorce, my mom moved. I was no longer “allowed” to contact them. However, I did contact E when I visited his city alone.
Sadly, I eagerly waited for him and my once step sisters to meet up with me but they never showed up.
Time passed and my mom made huge mistakes. I disowned her when I was 17. Shortly after she ended up getting arrested with intent to deal illegal substances in two counties. She went to jail for 2 weeks and put on probation.
I was 18, when she violated her probation and fled the state with her soon to be husband #4. F (another wanted convict) and I never really connected. The long distance didn’t help.
L finally faced her mistakes and got herself clean. I returned to her life. Things were always “off” with my mom but I just assumed it was the drug use. It wasn’t until my 2nd hubby met her for the first time that he asked me privately how long she’s had multiple personalities. Then everything made sense.
Things didn’t end well for my mom. She died 1 year after being diagnosed with cancer. She was 48 years old. F and I haven’t spoken since her death. I found E and K. We keep in touch from time to time but keep to ourselves.
- Tell us a little bit about you… Stay at home mom/therapeutic massage therapist/4 girls : 16, 14, 10, 8 month 2nd hubby named Steve/married July 23, 2016/he’s an assistant manager to scooter company/Zoey is a border collie/Australian Sheppard mix
2. What is your relationship like with your parents? Both are dead. Wasn’t a healthy relationship when they were alive (mom:4 personalities; dad:sociopath)
3. What is your favorite thing to do with your child one on one? Snuggle=8 month old, play wii games=10 year old, dance in the car/living room/watch movies=14 year old, watch movies/show Pinterest/memes=16 yo
4. What is your favorite thing to do with your husband ? Love to go explore! Camping, jeep trails, etc
5. What is your favorite thing to do alone ? Soak in Epsom salt with chocolate and a beer or read
6. What are some Pet peeves you have ? Husband=needs to have a bit more patience/ kids=be honest! Don’t like half truths or i don’t know. Also, wish they’d quit reporting everything i do to their bio dad.
7. How you discipline your children? Give a warning, depending on severity=Put them on probation, if repeat offense=Grounding from their fav thing (phone, tv, tablet, computer) or boot camp (extra chores to work off grounding days) All apply to the 10 yo, 14 yo, and 16 yo. 8 month old just gets told no multiple times and re-directed/moved….lol
1. What did you think you were going to do when you grew up? Actress or model
2. What is something you are proud of? Always learning and open minded. Keeping my massage license up for the day i can go practice. I prevented multiple surgeries on clients and reduced their reliance on medication. Trained a police dog just from reading a book. I’ve jumped in and saved a couple of people’s lives throughout my lifetime until help arrived.
3. What is one thing you wish you did in life before kids? See the world. Back pack through Europe.
4. What is something you plan to do after all the kids can take care of themselves? Back pack through Europe
5. What was your first year of motherhood like? Extremely scary. I never really had a “mom”. Got some ideas from my step mom of 9 years, watched other mothers, and read books to be the mother I wished to be but never had.
6. Stepmom- n/a
7. Are you happy with he number of friends/mom friends you have? Nope. I need more mom friends. The ones I have can’t relate to my older kids since theirs are 2-4yo.
8. What is a piece of a few pieces of advice you’d like to give moms or future moms (stepmoms)? Even on your darkest days, you feel like you’re at the end of your rope, you’ve tried everything, and feel like giving up….don’t. Keep Moving forward. Take a break to do self care/recharge but don’t give up. Even if their nightmares….just love them. Show them kindness. Love notes, little treats, little cheap presents to show you still care and are on the sidelines if ever they need.
9. What are some goals you have for the next year? 5 years? Get out of debt and travel more. 5yr plan: get older teens ready to face the world and get them out of this terrible state. Have all our girls be strong, independent women…who can cook, clean, sew, minor maintenance on cars, keep a job, hunt, etc
10. What is something you want your kids to know when they are 10? 18? 25? That I did my best, I will always love them, and live your life YOUR way