She sat down and began to cry. Whining, “You are always at your moms, you never play with me!”
I see he instantly became emotional about what she said, caved in and said, “Fine, I will play with you.”
I looked at him and said, “No, it is ok you don’t have to if you don’t want to.”
We were about to head out the door so I told him to finish up his morning chores and I will talk to her. Even if I had 15 minutes or more before we needed to leave, I would have transitioned out of the house. Sometimes I have found the best way to work through things like this is to move rooms, leave the house or transition our play to outside. A change of scenery.
I sat her on my lap, wiped away her tears and told her it is ok to feel sad, It is ok too cry. I know you miss your brother and you are allowed to miss him. Brother wants to play with you but just not doctors. Maybe he will want to play doctors with you later.
I explained that sometimes brother might not want to go to his moms but he doesn’t really get to choose. He loves you very much and I know he will want to play later.
Later, when I had a moment to talk with J, I explained that we can not just give in each time someone cries. I know you were trying to do the right thing by just giving in and playing. But if you really didn’t want to do that activity with her don’t feel like just because she cries that you have to play what she wants. (This was a hidden message for later in his life, not letting future girl friends cry and get him to do what they want 😉 )
He was relieved to know I wasn’t just going to force him to play, and also relieved because he wasn’t in trouble for saying no and causing her to cry.
There are moments like this when I feel sad for both my children. The heartache Kennedy has because her brother is always coming and going. She is too young to really understand how long until he is back. And the pressure that J has to deal with being in between two house trying to satisfy so many additional family members.
In the car on the way to school Kennedy proceeded to ask lots of questions about his family and how many grandpas and grandmas he had. I tried to answer her questions and explain to J that she is only asking these things because she loves him and wants to know all she can about him.
Knowing she had a rough morning, I decided we would try to make today a little different and special. After our usual workout and a few errands we went to a smoothie place, sat down and enjoyed a smoothie and snack. This was followed with a little park date before getting brother back after school.
After getting home the kids all enjoyed some time together outside catching butterflies and picking flowers followed up with snuggles while watching a movie with brother and sister, I cooked dinner. By the end of the day she was able to have some quality time with mom, sister and brother and she was feeling much better.
Sometimes you just have to steer from the routine and take care of what is in front of you!
How do you guys help your bio children when their bother or sisters have to leave?
Check out my blogs on transitioning J in and out of our Home.
Jade San Nicolas