We rushed back to the house with J in the car, I had no idea what was in store for me. What started out as (what I felt was) an innocent day at the park, led to stress as I was about to see or meet J’s Mom for the first time.
As we pulled up, you could feel the tension- both on her end, as well as our own anticipation. She was standing outside her car in the driveway, and I had no idea how long she had been there. I sat in the car while his dad pulled him out of his car seat, and she became extremely angry, yelling across the driveway. It was obviously not the time for pleasantries, but perhaps I could have done things different as well.
He handed J over and she continued to yell at Jonny while buckling J into his seat. His dad just stood there trying to keep his calm, allowing her anger to flow. She threw a card at him and drove off.
Although we won’t discuss the details, the card was a sweetly written note for Jonny, as it was for their anniversary of some sort. I was quite confused, since we had been dating for a while now, as to why she had written this card. But now that I know her better, I understand that she is a gift giver, and shows her affection with cards and gifts. Until now, their relationship had never had a definitive ending- and now it was halted in the most extreme of ways.
I’ll be honest this was over 7 years ago, and I was about 20 at the time, So I am writing this to best of my memory but with the maturity of an almost 30 year old!
After she drove away, I felt how stressed he had become. At this moment, they had no court documents, and she had just left angrily with their child! I do not recall the exact events that occurred after this moment, but as a more mature adult looking back on this moment I would like to share some advice:
- Do your best to make sure the other parent(s) know you are going to meet the kids BEFORE you actually do. This should be your partner’s job to talk about this with them- not yours. There needs to be a sit-down conversation, that discusses limits and boundaries. They should probably meet YOU before you meet their child!
- Don’t let them find out that you’re now involved from the kids- imagine the stress that parent is going to go through and the tension the child/children will feel in that moment.
- Do not try to come in and replace the other parent- you’re a bonus parent.
- Understand the emotions the other parent may initially have, may not be there forever. Allow them the space and respect to process this new chapter in their lives!
- Do not start following them on social media, or post pictures with the kids until the other part knows you’re involved!
That day, I may have thought “Wow, what just happened here! Now what? Soooo is this thing over?”
But guys, I get it now.
This poor young mom had no idea that her baby was at a park with his dad and another woman. She had every right to be mad, scared, and every other emotion! You know what else made this worse? This was how my relationship with her started, and I’d say that we were not off to a good start. It took a few years, some mature conversations, some court days, some space, and lots of respect, but we are in a good place now.
Message me on your thoughts or how you first met your child/children’s mom.
Jade San Nicolas