The first few years that I was in J’s life, his mom would throw him a birthday party while we would take him to some sort of show or event with a few close family members. One year we decided to throw him a party as well. I believe that year he had two. We did invite his mom to it, however, due to some hurt feelings from some past decisions made, she did not come. The following year she had a party and invited us. His dad had to work, but I made the effort and attended with his two sisters for about an hour. The next year, we had the party and she attended, and then she took him out for a weekend to ride quads. And then, this year happened…
We kept going back and forth about having a party, until one day we made the decision with J. Now, we just needed to plan the date. That became a whole new battle, as we had to find out which dates we would have him on the weekend that his dad would be home too. Then some custody dates were switched up due to spring break. After three different dates we finalized on one! You all know the every changing schedule possibilities.
He had a conversation with his mom about having two parties, but she wasn’t sure his friends would attend two- which makes complete sense. That is when she decided that we would have the party and they would go on another desert trip to ride quads. J was pretty excited about getting a party and mini vacation! When I ran into his mom during the next exchange, I mentioned the birthday party date and that her and “the kids” were invited. (“The kids” is what we reference her step-kids as when we don’t use their names). She made it sound like she wanted to come, and then we discussed a little about the party and how she could help out.
Let me rewind to the year before. I think she was little hesitant to come, as it’s nerve wrecking to go somewhere you are completely uncomfortable- but for Jayden she braved it, put on her best face and attended with the kids. Jonny’s mom was there, along with my mom and a few other parents that we both knew from school. This made it so she was able to pick up conversations with a few different people. I was sure to get in my fair share of conversations with her as well, especially if I caught her standing around by herself.
Now to the cake fight … Cake fights are something that my husband’s family introduced me to. I LOVE the tradition so I try to get J every year.
During last year’s party I was about to cake him in the face when I thought (Shoot his mom may get a little jealous) soooooo instead of making her jealous … I grabbed a piece for her too! He had no idea it was coming, and I got a friend to film it and take pictures. We both came from each side, it was perfect! CAKED! He was quick to turn around and get us both back! It was a sweet co-parenting moment! As you can see from a few years before this didn’t happen overnight, it took about 5 plus years for us to get here.
Fast forward to this year! His mom texted earlier in the day making sure we didn’t need anything else for the party and said she would see us at 3. Except ….
Around 1, J asked his dad if his mom could come to the party early. He has been trying to get some time with the kids in our backyard, so this was the perfect time for it. Of course we said yes! So he called her up and she agreed.
Exactly an hour before his party started, she pulled up. We had no food cooked, still preparing decor and it was just me, my husband, J’s mom and all of our kids. I felt ok. I was prepared for this, since we had done it before and I knew I could do it again. Plus it wasn’t about me, this was a day for J!
My husband was inside cooking (yes he is amazing, he cooks!) Me and her were outside having small talk, trying to set up a few more things. When we finished up, we joined the kids in a little nerf gun war. Again, I don’t think either of us really cared to go out and run around in the hot weather just to sweat before everyone else arrived, but the kids loved it! They were stoked to have us both out there playing. I can tell you in that moment (well, the 10 minutes we both ran around playing with the kids) not one of them was worried about me and her.
After that we settled down and a few other women and kids showed. Not many dads due to the fact that it was on a weekday. I sat at the table right next to his mom, and we chatted with a few other moms. If there was a time where I felt me and another mom were in a long conversation and she was left out, I brought her into it. I’ve been in her life for 8 years now, so I know enough about her to bring her into a conversation appropriately.
It was a great day and ended with the all famous cake fight! Let me tell you about this years’!
It was cake time and I looked at her and said “you ready?”
She wasn’t as amused as I was because the cake was thick blue frosting; but, fortunately there was some whipped cream standing by. I put it on a plate and found her outside with him, grabbed her hand and made her grab some, She had no choice! I wanted to do this and didn’t want to do it without her! This is a new tradition that I wanted to start! For J!
Again in front of table of unexpected 9/10 year old little boys …
He had no idea … but to top that from behind I see my husband with cake in his cake …
Oh he did it!!
Cake into my face, hair, ears and eyes! Then her turns to her, cake all over her face too!
We both tried to get him back but by this time most of the cake was on the floor. It was something no one would have thought we would all get away with 5 years ago, but this day it did! We all laughed, tried to get a few more people involved and then had to shut it down because the kids were going crazy … Thank goodness it was outside on dirt!!
This is how a birthday party should happen!!
Again ladies, this did not happen overnight! This has been hard work, patience, compromise and consistency to get here. It does not mean that it will be this way every year, but this year was a good one.
Comments or questions message me!
The ever improving Momma and Stepmomma,
Jade San Nicolas