Mother’s Day in a Blended Family

How do you do Mother’s Day?

Honestly, every year is different. I do not mind him spending the entire day with his mom, because I would love for him to spend his entire Father’s Day with his dad.

We haven’t always had an ours baby, so as I mentioned before every year has changed. The first few years people would ask me if I was going to celebrate and to be honest that was years ago, I don’t recall how every Mother’s Day went down. My hubby was always really good at getting me something little. In the beginning his son’s mom was single, so he would get us both something: different but the same “level”. I would never push or expect it, because then my own feelings were hurt if I did. When she was in a serious relationship, we assumed the man would take care of her on Mother’s Day. But, if my husband was having my girls do something sometimes he would encourage J to do two.

Last year I wanted some hand prints, so we just made a few extra for J to take to his mom. Nothing huge but thoughtful enough. Sometimes it is just the thought behind something that makes all the difference.

Yes, I do everything that his mom does, but lucky for me my love language is not gifts. Not saying there is anything wrong if yours is, there are different love languages for a reason. (Quick side note: If you have never heard of the 5 love languages you should go read about them! It helps to really understand your partner, your stepchild, their parent, and everyone else!) So if I didn’t get a gift, my whole world wouldn’t turn upside down. I would take a deep breath and move on.

This year I saw so many posts on Facebook about how stepmoms would be spending Mother’s Day, and what they we’re expecting to receive. I didn’t expect anything from my stepson. I requested a few small workout rings from my husband, and that’s it. J will be at his mom’s on Mother’s Day, and my hubby works- so I will be home with my girls. As in life, we choose how we react to things and how we feel, so I will not spend Mother’s day bummed out because my hubby is not home to spoil me or my stepson isn’t around to tell me how amazing I am. I will spend it with my girls and enjoy the day. I am going to try spend sometime with my mom and just spend the day knowing I am lucky to be healthy, have an amazing husband and three healthy children.

Being a Stepmom will not affect how I enjoy my mother’s day, it is up to me. Although your step-baby may be with their mother this mother’s day- don’t make yourself feel any less than a mom! Even though that baby didn’t grow in you, you’re still there to help them grow and be successful. Pride yourself in that thought as you manage these “parent-specific” holidays. 

Take care of yourself: Self care!! Love this role you have as a mom or adult figure in an innocent child’s life. These step-kids did not make the decision for their parents to split so don’t take it out on them when they don’t go out of their way to make you feel loved.

Happy Mother’s Day ❤

Side note:

It has been 9 years of consistently loving my stepson, spending nights up late when he was sick, maintaining patience over countless nights of homework, hours of sporting events, always being open to talk and trying to maintain patience when completely frustrated at things blended families deal with.

When he came from his mom’s this weekend he brought a gift for me for Mother’s day. Today when he came out from school he was holding two red bags. He handed one to his mom and came over and gave me the other. (I know this was hard for his mom, so I waited to get in the car). When we got in the car I embraced my flower in a homemade pot along with a hand made card!! I told him how much I loved it and may have asked him if he had to make two or if he wanted to. He said he requested enough materials for two. Back to before, it is not his fault his parents split and does not need to feel the pressure two make two things in class- but he did! When he was little most of his teachers did a great job always making a copy (copy machine) of his project and assigning one to me, but this year and last he took the initiative. I may have also snuck in the question of who’s idea it was to bring me a gift. He said when they were at the store getting teacher appreciating gift he requested grabbing few things for me and his mother. He is a very sweet boy and much of a gift giver himself.

Next Side Note:

Guys !!! I told you, my love language is not gift giving so you want to know my weakness and I am not glad to admit this …. Gift giving! I am really good about my immediate family but I am the worst at remembering people birthdays or anniversaries. That being said everyone has their own love language: your step-kids may not buy you things, but maybe they would rather spend time with you. Maybe they are like me and might not even think about giving you a gift or spending special time with you on mothers day. Don’t take offense ❤ Embrace this role you chose to take on and give yourself a little self care! It is you who chooses how things affect you and how you react.

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